People like to go on about how millennials and Gen Z’s don’t have any loyalty when it comes to jobs but honestly that isn’t always the case. There’s hardly any job security for young working professionals and many times, the employers are the actual jerks. Don’t worry, I brought receipts!
Recently, I hung out with some friends. We had a few drinks and ate what, in my opinion, was the best chicken wrap ever, talked about the most random things, and basked in what felt like post pandemic, post vaccination glow. Before too long, the conversation about our jobs came up. We were all in our mid to late twenties and realized we all had never held a job for more than three years.
While we explored the numerous reasons why none of us had stayed too long at a particular job, the conversation quickly pivoted to experiences we had losing jobs. That’s when I heard some of the most amusing stories about the ways people found out they were out of their jobs, so I decided to write about the five most ridiculous ones.
To protect the identities of these people, I’ll be using very random names, genders, and locations to tell each person’s story.
I lived in Ikorodu at the time and was working in a bank in Victoria Island as a Teller. It was a contract job I had gotten from an agency.
On this fateful morning, I woke up at the usual 4:00 a.m and set out to work thirty minutes after, to avoid the usual Lagos traffic.
Resumption for us was 7:00 a.m, I got in some minutes past 7, and snuck into the daily morning meetings before the branch opened by 8 a.m. After the meeting ended at 7:45, I went to my cubicle and turned on my system to get ready for the day.
The computer booted, I entered my login details, but it wouldn’t sign me in. It kept giving me the “email or password incorrect” notification. I tried resetting my password but it wasn’t sending an authentication code. I tell my boss about it, and he suggests I call the IT unit.
I call the IT team and without wasting too much time, the person on the other end of the line says I should call someone at HR.
In a bank, the last kind of interaction you want to have is with anyone in HR. At this point, I’m already sweaty and panicking. All the negative possibilities of what this meant came flooding into my head.
I finally find the courage to call this HR person, and the person sounds so nice and excited. She explains the situation, saying “We are no longer in partnership with your agency and you should have been contacted by them about the terms of your employment”.
And that was it, I was out of a job. I was too tired to even call the agency that day. I just left the bank, bought Viju milk and Gala on the roadside, and took a bus home.
I worked as a personal assistant for this one guy who was a Brand Consultant. We worked from his home at Gbagada. On the contract accepting to work for him, there was a promise of “free lunch”.
The job was annoying because I had to do a lot of “personal assistant” things that were not part of my job description. I had to pick up his two kids from a nearby school every day, buy a carton of Indomie noodles each week (The noodles were what we always had as ‘free lunch’, together with his children), and other mundane tasks.
I never worked on weekends, which was something I was happy about. The pay was a bit shitty, and I would have been very upset if I had to work the weekends. So, there’s this Sunday where I am in church, getting my spirituality game on, when I receive a Whatsapp message from him that read:
“Hello Temitope, please don’t bother buying the carton of noodles for the week as you have been relieved of your duties. I can’t pay you anymore. I wish you luck in your future endeavours”
After reading the message, I try to respond to it and I notice he’s also blocked me. After service, I show my mum the message and she says that it’s for the best and I just moved on. That was the last I ever heard from him.
I worked for this lady who was, or should I say who is, an elite Fashion Designer. She was a total girlboss. I adored her, practically worshipped her, and enjoyed working with her. Our relationship was really good, until it wasn’t. One day her fiance comes to the store, and I realize that I know him. He was my Ex.
Our relationship began to sour from that day on. She became a bit mean and wasn’t as comfortable around me as she was in the past.
One random night, after I had gotten home from work, I get a call from this so-called ex. He starts rambling on about some stuff and then says ‘I’m sorry that you lost this job, I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t any of your fault’
I wasn’t even aware that I had lost my job. I didn’t know if this was a power move on her part, getting him to tell me. If it was, I give her an A+.
I still think about it from time to time, and give her that respect for such a boss move.
I had always wanted to work at a Fintech company, and during the Fintech boom, when a lot of startups were springing up, I thought it would be my chance. I searched and applied for roles I saw online and finally got an offer. In hindsight, I should have done a lot of due diligence on my part when I got this particular job.
On my first day, I realized it was one of those companies that ran pyramid schemes, but the pay was really attractive and I had been jobless for over a year, so I just went with it.
On paper the organization seemed very legit and my job was quite simple: all I had to do was deposit large sums of cash on Mondays and Fridays to the company’s bank account.
On one of these Fridays while making a cash run, I get to the bank late and i’m unable to make the deposit; It was NGN 1.3 million in cash. I carry the money home and safeguard it with my life all weekend long, with plans to make the deposit the following Monday.
Surprisingly, no one called me during the weekend to find out whether or not I made the deposit; it was very unusual. My boss always called each time to find out and it scared me even more that he didn’t. Monday comes, and I am the first customer at the bank. I deposit the money and hurry back to the office to get the Monday delivery and receive the shock of my life.
The office building has been swept clean. They had taken everything, down to wall sockets and bulbs disconnected, it was deserted. I didn’t even think twice, I ran out of the building thinking ‘no be me EFCC go carry for here’.
I got home and tried calling every management person that worked there but none of their numbers went through, and that was it.
My only regret was not going to the office before the bank, maybe I would have been NGN 1.3 million richer.
I had a boss that was a little too much to handle. I was working at a small advertising agency at the time, and we never really saw eye to eye. She had a very sharp tongue and said the most hurtful things sometimes. I got tired of her BS and decided to look for another job.
I applied to another agency that had some openings available, and was invited for an interview. I had to take the day off but luckily my boss was on leave, so it wasn’t a hard thing to do. I nailed the interview and a few days later, I got an offer.
In my current contract, I had to give 2 weeks notice to effectively resign, and I did so immediately I got this new offer. I was supposed to resume the new job in the next two weeks as well.
Resumption for the new job fell on a Monday, and the Saturday before that day, I get a welcome email from the new place stating my job functions and who I’m supposed to report to.
Guess whose name I see in that column? My Bi*** boss from the former company. Apparently, while on leave she had also resigned to join this new company as a Partner.
I resume on Monday, and I see her stupid face; she has an annoying smirk on her face. After introductions at the new place, we are alone in an office and she says “You have 3 months here, I will never approve of you after the probation phase”.
She was a partner, and she had that power, so I already knew I was out of a job three months prior, it was such a shit show.
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